


you are the best thing that this life has yet to lose

by mikripetra



Series: sight of the sun [11]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual John Laurens, Bad Decisions, Fluff, Gaslighting, Gay John Laurens, Gender Roles, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Living Together, M/M, Marijuana, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Alexander Hamilton, Protective Siblings, Running Away, Secret Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Sharing a Bed, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Male Character, for like two seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27125227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikripetra/pseuds/mikripetra
Summary: John hadn't exactly made peace with being kept away from his siblings, but he was living with it. He never expected his entire life to change in an instant- certainly not through an unknown number calling in the middle of the night.-Or, the one where John's sister shows up at his apartment at the crack of dawn, suitcase in hand.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, John Laurens & Martha Laurens Ramsay
Series: sight of the sun [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1194555
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	you are the best thing that this life has yet to lose

**Author's Note:**

> In case you aren't caught up on this series and are experiencing some time-skip shock: This takes place directly after "i pray to god that we can move on," during the spring of Alex and John's senior year in college. They are living together in John's apartment.

When John got woken up by a call from an unknown number in the middle of the night, he almost didn’t pick it up.

He never picks up his phone if he doesn’t know who’s calling. But something, some intangible force, or maybe just his instincts scratching at the back of his neck, made him answer it.

“Hello?” he said, voice groggy with sleep.

“Where are you living right now?” a feminine voice asked, half-obscured by the sound of static and quick footsteps.

“Uh…what?”

“Where are you _living,_ Jack?”

John bolted upright. He moved so quickly, in fact, that his vision blacked out for a second. He rubbed at his eye with the hand not holding his phone up to his ear. That name sent a visceral reaction through his body whenever he heard it- he knew that whoever it was on the phone, it wasn’t his father. But the animalistic, instinct driven part of his brain knew no such thing.

Next to him, Alexander groaned. “Whazzgoinon?

John reached over to smooth his hair back from his forehead. He put the phone to his chest and whispered, “Nothing, cariño. Go back to sleep.”

Alex hummed a noise that seemed to be dissenting, but it just kept going, and he eventually flopped over onto his other side and snuggled further into his pillow.

John’s lips quirked up into a smile. It quickly melted away when he realized the person on the phone was still talking.

“-and I’ve got two hours left on this credit card, max, so I need to know right now where I’m driving the rental to once I leave the airport.”

John squinted in confusion. Quietly, he slipped out of bed and shuffled into the hallway outside their bedroom.

“What’re you talkin’ about?” he hissed into the phone. “Who are you?”

 _“Jack,”_ the voice snapped, urgent. “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”

John’s brows furrowed. “Wait, _Patsy?_ Is that you?”

“No, it’s Mary fucking Wollstonecraft.”

John made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a sigh. He let his head _thunk_ back onto the wall behind him, all the adrenaline slowly flooding out of his body.

As his brain finally turned on, he began to replay parts of the conversation.

“Wait, hold on,” John started, “why do you need to know where I live?”

There was an uncharacteristic pause. Patsy was never silent- at least, she was only ever quiet and hesitant when their father was in the room.

“Can I explain it all to you when I get there?” she asked, her voice strangely small. “I will. I promise. Just- tell me, Jack.”

John immediately softened. For some reason, it didn’t sound at all the same when Patsy said his nickname. He’d never felt unsafe with her. Even the deepest recesses of his brain, the parts that were always betraying him, knew that if he was with Patsy, he was okay.

“Yeah, sure. Alright. It’s in Striver’s Row. Near Harlem. West 139th and Douglass Boulevard. Just keep following the signs for uptown Manhattan.”

“Apartment?”

“Number three-ee,” John said in the sing-song voice that only came when he was trying to suppress a yawn.

“Te veré del otro lado,” Patsy said, so quietly that John almost didn’t catch it.

“Viajes seguros, conejita.”

That gets a laugh out of her at last. “If I’m the rabbit, then you’re Eeyore.”

John smiled to himself. “I can live with that.”

* * *

John was completely ready to pick Patsy up at their airport as soon as she landed. So, of course, he woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows and a knock at the door.

_“¡Mierda!”_

John scrambled up from the bed and over to the dresser at the front of the room, grabbing the first pair of pants he could find and throwing them on.

“Ya voy, Patsy, ¡dame un segundo!” he called.

“Patsy? Your sister? She’s _here?”_

John whirled around to see Alex sitting up, his hair a rat’s nest on top of his head, looking suspiciously sharp-eyed for someone who had just woken up.

John nodded. “Yeah, she’s the one who called me last night.”

Alex’s eyebrows knit in confusion. “Isn’t she, like, a junior in High School?”

“She didn’t tell me anything,” John shrugged helplessly. “Just told me she was coming.”

He threw open another drawer for a fresh t-shirt. He wasn’t particularly gross, but he had a feeling that he shouldn’t open the door with his two-sizes-too-big _Let’s Sacrifice Toby_ shirt that showed some brightly dressed kids happily about to murder their friend in order to complete a ritual with alphabet blocks.

Alex’s eyes narrowed, something dark and unreadable in his expression. “Alright.”

John practically ran through the apartment to their front door, shakily undoing the lock and throwing it open.

And there she was. It hadn’t been that long since John had seen her, really- only two years. But she had changed. There was a tightness around her eyes, a set to the shape of her mouth, that belied sleepless nights and a life filled with stress. Her hair- curly, just like John’s- had grown a good five inches, spilling over her shoulders and framing her sharp jawline. John blinked in surprise at her outfit- he hadn’t seen her wear pants…ever. Especialy not ripped denim jeans that looked like they’d been run over by a truck.

But whatever had happened, it was his sister. She was here.

He couldn’t help himself from grinning ear to ear. “Hey, kid.”

She smiled in response, albeit a little less broadly.

“You look horrible, Jack.”

He snorted. “Yeah, well, listen. I got up about two minutes ago. You gotta give me a break.”

John reached out into the doorway and hefted Patsy’s one suitcase into the apartment. It was surprisingly small.

John quirked an eyebrow, turning to lead her into the apartment and shutting the door behind her. He forced himself to remain calm, shove down the dozens of questions he wanted to ask her.

“This all you got?” he asked, trying to keep his voice light and friendly. “How long you staying?”

The smile slipped off Patsy’s face. “I- I don’t-”

A hand touched the crook of John’s arm. Alex looked considerably more well-groomed, his hair tied back and his clothes mostly unwrinkled. But Alex’s expression was furious, his mouth a thin line.

Patsy immediately straightened, automatically squaring her shoulders, stepping backward, and bending her knees and elbows.

Alex’s anger crashed and broke, leaving devastation behind. He glanced between John and Patsy, swallowing nervously.

“Sorry if I scared you,” he said, voice low and calm. “I’m Alexander. It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

Patsy looked to John in a way that was so similar it sent a stabbing pain through his gut.

 _Are we safe now?_ she was asking him, five years old and clinging to his legs. _Is he gone?_

John tried to smile as reassuringly as he could. “Pats, this is Alex. He’s…”

The words caught in John’s throat and died.

_Coward._

“He’s great,” John finished lamely.

Patsy gave Alex a tiny smile, turning to look him in the face for the first time

“Hey,” she said softly, reaching out her hand to Alex. “I’m Martha. Jack calls me Patsy.”

John raised his eyebrows in surprise. Did his siblings and his father not call her Patsy anymore? Why make the distinction? They were all family, to her. It wasn’t like it was for John. She didn’t have any reason to be uncomfortable about them.

Alexander shook her hand firmly. “Nice to meet you, Martha. Alexander Hamilton.”

Patsy walked further into the apartment, looking around.

“Pretty nice,” she mused. “A lot nicer than I thought your apartment would ever be, Jacky.”

Alexander turned to John, a grin spreading across his face.

 _Jacky?_ He mouthed, wiggling his eyebrows.

John rolled his eyes and shoved him gently in the arm.

When he faced Patsy again, she had turned back toward them to smile, the rays of sunlight from the window falling directly across her face, throwing her features into sharp relief.

Alex froze, his hand hanging limply in the crook of John’s arm.

Alex asked, voice low and soothing, “How long has he been hitting you, Martha?”

Both the Laurens siblings jumped.

“What?” John breathed, chuckling nervously. “Don’t be stupid, Alex. No one’s hitting anyone. Patsy would’ve told me if anyone’d-”

He glanced back at his sister for support. She looked like someone had just been murdered right in front of her, her face chalk white and eyes wide.

One eye, actually. John noticed, his mouth twitching into a smile despite himself, that one of her eyes opened far more than the other one. But there was no discoloration on her skin, none at all.

Not even her freckles.

She had her entire face caked in concealer. Her _entire_ face.

Patsy hated makeup with a passion. She wouldn’t be wearing it unless their father made her, and he wasn’t here, so she could only be wearing it because- because-

“What-” he croaked, and his voice must’ve sounded particularly alarming, because Alex’s eyes shot to him in concern, “What happened to your eye?”

Something shifted behind her eyes. “Jack-”

“No, you need to-” he took an unconscious step toward her, Alex’s hand still tight on his arm. “Pats, you need to tell me right now. Who did this?”

She stared right at him in response, her face like stone.

Patsy smiled ruefully, her eyes suspiciously wet. “Who d’you think, Jack?”

John felt his knees buckle. He heard Alex cry out something, pulling his arm to the side. John followed blindly, his legs like a newborn fawn’s. He kept walking where Alex led him, eventually collapsing onto their well-worn couch.

“That’s what you meant on the phone,” John whispered. “You knew he’d freeze your credit cards as soon as he found out you left.”

Patsy sniffed. “Yeah.”

John’s hands flew up to cover his face in shame.

John had failed her.

All his life, he had taken the brunt of his father’s rage whenever he could. It was for the greater good, he told himself. To save his siblings.

On his worst nights, it turned into something much darker. He would lie awake and wonder why his father always went for him, picking apart his every move, always, constantly watching, stepping in with fists and belts and bared teeth whenever John stepped too far out of line. It had to be something about _him_. There had to be something John was doing wrong. So John would work harder. He’d try to be better, to fix the thing his father had yelled at him about so he could be the son his father had always wanted. And when Henry yelled at him for doing the opposite of what he got yelled at for last time- well, the rules must’ve changed. John could adapt.

He’d done that for fourteen years, until he found something he couldn’t stop doing, no matter how hard he tried. His father never believed that he couldn’t just _choose_ to be straight.

When he’d left, he’d been teetering on the edge of suicide. He knew that the only reason he was still alive today was because he got out of that house before it was too late. He’d rationalized it to himself as a selfless act. Now that he wasn’t around to burden the household, his father would finally have enough time to be kind.

God, he’d been such a fool.

John straightened his back and took a deep breath, eyes locked on his sister. “What else has he done to you, Patsy?”

Patsy looked down at him, naked concern on her face. “Jack-”

“What did he _do,_ Patsy?” he snapped. “You showed up here. I’m taking you in. You owe me this. You owe me every single detail of what-”

“John, _stop,”_ Alex cut in.

John heard his voice rising rapidly in volume, but he couldn’t stop it.

“-every _single_ detail of what I let happen, I deserve to know _exactly_ what I made him do to you, _do you understand?”_

Patsy was crying openly now, her hands balled into fists by her sides.

“I don’t owe you _anything,_ Jack,” she cried. “How dare you talk to me that way? You don’t get to do this. This isn’t about you.”

“I left you there,” John shouted, “I left you with him-”

“Yes, you did!” Patsy screamed.

The silence hummed as the last bits of their screaming continued to bounce off the walls.

Patsy glared at him, her face finally gaining some color, her cheeks red as she panted with exertion.

“You left me there,” she said, her voice breaking, “And I left Polly and Harry and Jemmy there, too. I know you didn’t have a choice. I didn’t, either. If you blame yourself for all this, you’re going to have to blame me, too.”

She was crying openly now, tears running down her face and clinging to her jaw. The makeup didn’t run, John noticed absently. She must’ve gotten the waterproof kind.

“I’m sorry,” John choked out.

Patsy scoffed. “Shut up.”

John couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up- god, Patsy was only two inches shorter than him, now- and wrapped her in his arms.

“It’s just him,” Patsy murmured into John’s shoulder, staining his shirt with her tears. “Le pasa algo en la cabeza. Él es peor que el diablo. Nunca nos hubiera dejado ir, ninguno de nosotros."

John focused on a point on the blank wall in front of him, blinking hard to keep himself from crying. He was so glad she was here- fuck, what an _understatement_ \- but what about the others?

“We’ve got to get them out of there, Patsy. The kids. I told myself they’d be fine with you there, but they’ve got _nobody_ , now. We can’t leave them there with him.”

Beside them, Alexander cleared his throat. John flinched a bit- he had completely forgotten he was there. Patsy gripped John tighter.

“You’d be surprised at how lax the child custody laws really are in this country,” Alex cut in. “If kids refuse to go with the person the court wants them to go with, there’s honestly nothing they can do about it. And you’ve got an excellent case. Wealth and political prestige be damned; no court in the world is going to rule in his favor if there’s been physical abuse, especially if you corroborate each others’ stories.”

Patsy had peeked her head out from the crook of John’s neck when Alex began to speak, shaking her head more and more fervently the longer he talked.

“You don’t know what he’s like,” Patsy whispered. “He has too many friends, too many political connections. No one will believe us. They’ll all be on his side.”

Alex grinned a little too widely- it was a lot more like a baring of teeth. “Senator of South Carolina’s pretty good, I’ll admit. But I’ve got the Senator of New York and a five-star veteran on speed dial.”

Patsy stepped back at that, still keeping one hand locked on John’s arm. Her gaze turned to Alexander, eyes calculating. “Which general?”

“George Washington,” Alex answered easily. “He’s my foster father.”

Patsy’s mouth fell open. “Oh my god. Oh my _god._ That’s- Jack, do you have any _idea_ how much Father idolizes George Washington?”

“He’s not like that,” John said quickly. “I’ve met him, he thinks Father’s politics are the worst-”

“-I _meant,”_ Patsy interrupted, “that if George Washington fights Father on this, he’s going to shit his pants.”

Alex burst into laughter. They both turned to look at him, matching expressions of annoyance on their faces.

“Sorry!” Alex exclaimed, waving his hand in apology. “Oh, shit. I just never expected to hear that kind of language from _Senator Laurens’ little Southern belle.”_

John frowned at that, but Patsy was smiling.

“I’m only upset I couldn’t fit any of the ballgowns in my suitcase. I would’ve loved to burn them.”

Alexander smiled even wider. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“Hold on,” John cut in, feeling a little lost. “I don’t think we’re thinking this through. I can’t raise three kids. You _definitely_ can’t raise three kids. You’re seventeen. How are we going to-”

“I’ve been talking with Tío Elias,” Patsy cut in. “He kept telling me it was impossible, that we’d never get the kids away from Father, but if we _did_ …”

John felt tears well up in his eyes. “We haven’t seen him in years. Why would he take the kids in?”

Patsy shrugs. “He misses Mamá. Can you blame him?”

“But…” John knew he was running out of excuses. But his body hadn’t adjusted to this yet. He simply couldn’t wrap his head around it. “How do you know he’s not as bad as-”

Patsy raised an eyebrow, impressively insolent for someone who had been crying a few short minutes before. “Do you not remember me _living_ with him and his family in France for two years when I went to boarding school?”

“But he’s got a house in Charleston! Why did you come here instead of going straight to Tío Elias? He lives so much closer, Pats.”

Patsy inclined her head to the side, her lips scrunched up in a displeased expression. “He’s a kind man, but he’s weak. He’s scared of Father. I knew if I showed up at his door without either Father’s permission or a court order, he’d send me right back home. And I might’ve missed you. A lot.”

John couldn’t _not_ hug her again after that.

“Are we really doing this?” John whispered, once he let her go.

Patsy smiled mischievously. “I guess it all depends on whether your boyfriend makes those calls.”

John choked on his own spit. He glanced wildly between Alexander and Patsy, who were both looking at him with matching expressions on their faces, clearly trying to hold back laughter.

At once, they broke into guffaws.

“I knew I liked you!” Alex crowed.

* * *

Later that night, John and Patsy were sitting on the fire escape, passing a joint between them and looking up at the sky. Alex had spent the day with them, but had backed off to work in his and John’s bedroom to give Patsy and John a moment alone.

“You can’t see any of the stars here, Jack,” Patsy said, eyeing the joint distastefully before taking a long drag.

John watched her carefully. When she didn’t immediately start coughing, he frowned. “Who else have you been smoking with?”

Patsy rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Don’t tell me you didn’t do drugs in High School.”

John tried to suppress his smile.

“Gimme that,” he said, swiping the blunt from her fingers.

They sat in comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of traffic and watching the clouds move by.

After a moment, John spoke up. “So, the Washingtons said we’ve got about six months until the custody is set in stone.”

John glanced sidelong at his sister. She was still looking upward, her warm brown eyes reflecting the light coming up from the street.

“Do you want to go back?”

Patsy didn’t stop staring at the sky. “What are you on about, Jack?”

“I mean, you’ve only got, what, a year left in High School?" he began, passing the joint to her. "Maybe you could go to school here. Stay with me.”

Patsy scooted over to face him, her head tilted to the side. “Jack, you don’t have to keep me here just because you want to see me more often. It’s going to be different now. You don’t have to, like- you don’t have to hold on as tight as you can, because you think if you lose focus for a split second you’re gonna lose me again. He can’t keep me from contacting you anymore. And I’m gonna make sure the kids call you, too.”

“That’s not what I meant,” John argued halfheartedly. “I just thought you might-”

“You’re not gonna lose us, Jack,” she promised. “I’m going back to Charleston because I have a life there. You’ve made your life _here._ Just because we’re different doesn’t mean we can’t be close like we used to be.”

“You promise?” John asked quietly, the words more like the whistle of the wind than any real sound.

Patsy grinned, her teeth shining softly in the light. She looked like a wolf, John thought. A beast about to pounce, one that was going to fight every enemy it came across and _win._

“Someone’s gotta keep you in line,” she teased. “Between me and Alexander, I think we’ve got it covered.”

“Hey, fuck off!” John laughed.

Patsy shrugged. “What can I say? It’s the truth. You’d do nothing but smoke pot and doodle those ugly-ass turtles if you didn’t have someone to-”

John darted out to tickle her, digging his fingers into her ribs. She squealed in indignation, dropping the joint through the grates of the fire escape. John kept an eye on it as it fell, but as Patsy continued to laugh and call him names, he couldn’t bring himself to mind.

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> Te veré del otro lado: See you on the other side
> 
> Viajes seguros, conejita: Safe travels, little rabbit.
> 
> Ya voy, Patsy, ¡dame un segundo!: I'm coming, give me a second!
> 
> Le pasa algo en la cabeza. Él es peor que el diablo. Nunca nos hubiera dejado ir, ninguno de nosotros: There's something wrong with his head. He's worse than the devil. He would never have let us go, none of us.
> 
> What did you think? I've been wanting to write this story for a long time now, but it took some musing and failed attempts to get Martha Laurens' characterization down pat. Please leave a comment to tell me what you think! You'll make my day, whatever you decide to say below. I reply to everything :D.


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